Eid Mubarak to Everyone!

By: Umm Hashim

I feel like such a hypocrite...

At times I don't even know what my feelings are...

Saw the moon... was in tears for the children of Gaza, someone else was standing close by so I had to immediately check my tears for I couldn't explain why I wanted to cry for sighting the moon... the Eid moon that's supposed to bring happiness... Why does it become an embodiment of ‘huzn’?

I see the children of Gaza in my own children... Thoughts keep moving from comparing what if my own children were born there...And what the children in Gaza must be feeling? What if the six-year-old Hind Rajab was alive and running in the streets announcing moon just like my six-year-old was? And what if it was my own six-year-old who had to make that dreadful call to the Red Cross only later to be met by 355 bullets!!! May this never happen! What if Reem, the Ummah's ‘Ruh-al-Ruh’, was still alive and dearest uncle Khalid could still pull her braids and she could pull his beard?

I know the feelings of men and women and elderly in Gaza are equally important. Each soul is. But it is the children that affect me the most. I also learnt the meaning of true love when I saw a Gazan wife clinging onto the shoes of her shaheed husband. She was married for just a few months. I knew... that was love. Also, I can never forget the lady who was continuously reciting something over her shaheed husband. The ‘tawakkal’ in her eyes was mesmerizing.

And I wish all my children could become like that 19-year-old Imam of the Masjid, who when he embraced shahadah, throngs of people wanted to touch him just to get a wisp of the beautiful musk emanating from his body.

And then I've to come back to the world I'm living in and part of. And have to plan what to cook for the family and guests.... Someone's clothes still need to be ironed... Someone's prayer cap is not there. The kids must sleep early tonight.... Have to turn the geyser on....

In the midst of all this, I'm reminded of how the teacher of Salahuddin Ayubi (RA) would never smile throughout his life because of the suffering of the people of occupied Palestine.

I won't deny that my heart of hearts also wants to enjoy the life with my kids, my husband and family. At the same time, I wish I could just go to some empty barren land and just mourn and mourn. Or just escape from reality and don't find what's happening in the world.

I know I'll be making all the dishes, wearing new clothes, smiling with the guests... however my heart will be weeping and lamenting at the sad state of my own affairs. The guilt of not doing anything and continuing with life... having food while Gaza is being starved... enjoying Eid with the kids while there are no kids left in Gaza to enjoy Eid with... It is a feeling that almost kills you... albeit slowly.

About the Author: The author of this tract has been affiliated with LUMS in the past. She postulates that the ongoing genocide in Gaza must jolt the Muslim Ummah, and the entire world, out of the slumber and bring about some sense of purpose, unity and practically meaningful efforts to deal with the challenges of the current situation.